TittleTatlers

Too Close For Comfort…

2010-01-18T20:04:00.000-08:00

Hi Coffee-O,

Remember my excitement over my cosy little house – a ground floor unit condo opening out to the garden that I had just moved into in August last year? Well, my excitement was short-lived thanks to my pesky neighbours. My neighbours (a “married” couple with no kids) moved in a month before me.

Let me briefly explain and give you some background. My encounter with my neighbours started out with niceties and some pleasant exchanges of words. But that was soon to change. Soon we found my neighbours infringing into our privacy and stepping beyond the boundaries of a condo-dweller. How?

· Although they have 2 clothes drying racks of their own, somehow they still see the need to use mine. Guess what they hang on my clothes rack….their underwear and boxer shorts. Yuck!
· My neighbour’s wife (let’s call her A – sounds like a Dear Thelma column now) A loves decorating. So she took it upon herself to decorate the common area outside our apartment with her Balinese style deco. I soon had a praying Buddha statue, ducks, birds, bird’s nests, peacock’s feathers, “labu” pots, teak divan, a large round rug, a coffee table, artificial flower pots and vases donning the outside of my entrance, common area and banister. For a moment I thought I had entered the wrong block. (Couldn’t recognise my house). I was so cheesed off I told her to stop decorating my area.
· Apparently her house does not get enough sunlight so there’s some damp spots and fungus. So she decides to check if I have them too by opening my shoe cupboard and running an inspection of all my shoes. How nosey can one get?
· Then for Christmas she hangs a Christmas wreath on the door with real apples stuck on it. So by the time Christmas was over you can imagine what happened to those apples – they rotted and attracted fruit flies.
· Then she lined the common staircase with flora and fauna compliments from her and her hubby. That ticked the other neighbours off and the condo management told her to remove it as it posed an obstruction to elderly folk who need the support of the banister to get up and down the stairs.
· By the way she hangs her laundry out to dry in my front lawn directly in front of my master bedroom windows (although she has a bigger lawn space in front of her house). So on Saturday mornings I wake up to the smell of her freshly laundered underwear.
· Now for her latest antics – she turns on her burglar alarm when she goes to work and everyday without fail the alarm is triggered twice. So much so that policemen on the main road conducting roadblocks ticked the building manager off about her screaming alarm. They conveyed the message to A and her hubby, so they switched it off for sometime but now its back in business, screaming at least twice a day.

Sigh…॥ that’s why I always say that my life’s full of drama EVERYDAY। Call me anti-social but my neighbour really erks me out. So much for neighbourliness.

Missy Red

The boys and girls come out to play

2009-10-05T00:24:00.000-07:00

When the boss is not around?

A) Do the mice come out to play
B) Take MC
C) Work harder

D) Sacrifice a lamb and give thanks!

Answers:
the smaller boss picked B

the others picked D

Mind your language

2009-10-05T00:12:00.000-07:00

Have you gone for an English class as an adult?

I have! And I had thoroughly enjoyed it just because it was competitive! Yeah I know, so kiasu right - but hey I'm attending an ENGLISH class for adults alright! It's got to make me feel the very least interested!

So, what did I get out of that session, really?

Well this can’t seem to leave my head.It cracks me up whenever I think of it.

One fine day on an airplane, the passengers were served fishballs. As part of the air stewardess's job, she had to bend down to maintain eye level with the passenger who so happened to be a 'mat salleh', to ask him which sauce he preferred to go with the fishballs.

This was how she asked while looking intensely into his eyes “Sir, may I sauce your balls?”

She lost her job the next day. Mind you it’s a true story.

“Little Jack Honor” Put In His Thumb and Pulled Out A Pink Bag

2009-09-23T01:24:00.000-07:00

Hi Coffee-O,

Seven months ago, I bought an interesting looking handbag at Central Market for a mere RM35. It looked kind of trendy and compact, so I thought that it would be nice and handy to have. However, I forgot that I haven’t been having much luck with handbags lately. Before I got this one, I had a nice trendy black one which was on 70 percent discount. Considering the price of the bag was almost RM200 before the discount, I figured that I had myself a deal of a lifetime. Unfortunately after just 1 month, one of the handle rings got busted. I thought I could put up with it, but the following month, the other handle ring busted. So I had TWO busted handle rings and one beautiful bag. It really HURTS, to even think about it now!

Then I got the RM35 bag from Central Market, however, I guess bag handles and I don’t really get along well. This one also got busted after seven months. At least the RM35 lasted for seven months! In the light of that, I’ve been carrying around a bright pink handbag to work. How did that happen? When my bag handle broke, I was getting ready for work and my little toddler was asleep in the room, hence not to wake her up I groped around the cupboard in the dark and pulled out my little pink “plum” bag. So it had to do!

Reminds me of how “Little Jack Honor sat in a corner, eating his Christmas pie, he put in his thumb and pulled out a plumb and said what a good boy am I.”

Today, I bought myself another cheapo bag for RM33. Sigh….I guess I still haven’t learnt my lesson with cheap handbags. Well at least this gives me an opportunity to change handbags every few months. Don’t know which is worse….spending a couple of hundred ringgit and getting a branded handbag which will last me 3 years or going with all these cheapo fashionable bags. Anyway like I said, I need an excuse to change handbags…. and some what penny wise pound foolish as well.

Missy Red

Who Says Toilet Bowls Can’t Be Recycled?

2009-09-18T01:03:00.000-07:00

Hi Coffee-O,

I have been busy, or rather in a frenzy with the renovations in my house. By the way, I am renovating my bathroom and skim coating my living room walls. Why am I doing that? Ok let me get into some background info here for you.

When I bought the house I didn’t notice that the ninkampoop (is that how you spell it?) who owned it before me sandblasted the whole house with oil-based paint. So good ol’ me bought the house and planned to happily give it a new coat of paint and move in. However, when I got the keys and looked at the house again, this time in more detail, I noticed the sandblasting and boy, oh, boy have I had hell with it since then. First, my husband and I thought we can be DIY heroes and scrap off the sandblasting. We only managed to do the living room and got sick after that. Then we painted the wall but soon to our horror we noticed the walls resembled somebody with a bad case of acne. It was riddled with holes, scrapes, scars and dents. So we called several contactors to quote us on skimming work and opened ourselves up to cut throat prices.

Anyway, my mother in law recommended her contractor, to not only skim my house but also renovate my bathroom. However, I soon learned that the guy worked really slowly and tried to get my maid to elope with him. However, wonder maid turned down his advances – lucky for me. He managed to finish the one-day skimming job in five days and painted my living room. Ok, I got to admit it – he did a good job of the skimming although it was at snail’s pace.

Now let’s get to my bathroom, he ripped the bathroom apart and left it like that for 5 days – by the way it’s still bare and unusable. Then he tells us he’s not sure on fixing the plumbing and wants to charge us more for the job since it’s a big bathroom. Sometimes, I think he’s scheming with my mother-in-law to rip me off and share the loot with her.

Ok, on that note, my mother-in-law asked me if she can have my old toilet bowl and sink. I cannot fathom for the life of me how she could ask for somebody else’s poo stained toilet bowl and stained 18-year old sink. By the way my house is 18 years old! She said it can be disinfected and used in her house. She’s going to get this guy to install it for her there. She was adamant about having it even after my husband told her that more than a hundred people would have pooped in that bowl over a span of 18 years.

So ladies and gentlemen, toilet bowls can also be RE-CYCLED!

Anyway, I am going to give this guy the sack since he did not complete my bathroom and seems pretty unsure about the plumbing. Somebody pleaaaasssseee remind me never to listen to my mother-in-law again. So I am on the look out for a contractor now to fix my toilet.

If that’s not all, I also found out that my toilet is non-standard. Toilet bowls go by 10,11 or 12 inches in measurement but mine is 21 inches. Is this a test from above? I can only get one type of toilet bowl from this company called Econax, which I had to order.

Now I am afraid to renovate any other portion of my house, lest I find something odd again.

I’ll be back with part 2 of my renovation story.

Ciao!

Missy Red.

Got cheek to take!

2009-09-18T00:58:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

The other day, both MissyRed and I decided to have lunch at Secret Recipe and so we had lunch there. (haha I like this sentence)

The waitress gave us a cup of water each followed by our main course. Then MissyRed got a call - she was asked to do a favor. Well what kinda favor? ala you know those bulan puasa kind of favors tak kira from Adam (hehehe) or Hawa. Anyway this is not the crux of the story :)

To continue, we ate, chatted and ate till we were ready to go. So we got up and headed for the cake counter. While selecting which cake to take-away, MissyRed noticed she didn’t have her purple phone with her, so she quickly sped off to the table to check – I’ve not seen her dash off so fast! Literally at the speed of lightning!

The table was occupied.

Within 3 minutes the table was occupied.

a) Really good business at Secret Recipe

b) Secret Recipe’s staff is super efficient in clearing the table

c) There was an early Raya gift lying on the table

We looked high and low for her purple phone but to no avail.

We asked the waiters.

We asked the staff at the cashier.

We called the phone to see if it’s ringing. It was! but we couldn’t here it ringing – the place was quite noisy with the afternoon crowd coming in for lunch. AND NOBODY ANSWERED the call.

We went back to the table and uplift the cushion padding to check.

We searched the floor.

We just couldn’t find it.

So now where can her purple phone be?

We went back to the office.

Called the phone again. It was still ringing.

After 1 hour. The call went into voice mail.

So who took the purple phone? Shoot the bugger!

This post is written in remembrance of MissyRed’s purple phone - Sayonara

pinky and the brain

2009-09-11T02:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Missy Red,

I don’t know why this song is stuck in my head. Probably it’s because of this situation I’m facing at the moment with two dumb idiots – which the song appropriately describes the two characters as “ one is an idiot, the other insane”.

Help me!

Need a cuppa coffee now

Why do we need em bras

2009-08-27T02:27:00.000-07:00

Dear MissyRed,

Got to give it to my husband for figuring out why bras are needed - if women go without bras the streets would be filled with either melons or papayas ...
the more blessed ones would be seen dragging along two huge melons on the streets and the slightly less blessed ones would be displaying two papayas drooping and dangling around their knees.

Of Bras & Canon Balls

2009-08-27T00:57:00.000-07:00

Hi Coffee-O,

Yesterday, somebody asked me “Who invented bras?” because to some the apparel is inconvenient, too tight and totally unnecessary. Well, some don’t need them because they have compact little buds but others who are well endowed can’t go without them because then there would be rubber canon balls bouncing every time one makes the slightest movement. Then one can’t walk…..one would have to GLIDE.

Let me share this story with you:

An elderly couple were having breakfast naked on their wedding anniversary. They were naked because on the first morning after their wedding, they had breakfast together naked so in memory of that, they re-enacted the experience.

The wife told the husband, “You know, darling, I still feel that same warm tingly feeling that I felt years ago on our first morning as a married couple”.

To which the husband replied, “Honey, that’s because your teats are in the coffee.”

Get it?

So that’s why we need bras, so that we don’t end up like the wife in the story above. I don’t think I like the idea of boobs as knee pads either.

Missy Red

High School Musical’s Gotta Go Your Own Way

2009-08-27T00:39:00.000-07:00

Hi Coffee – O,

You know yesterday, my big boss came over with some inspiration to share with me. He switched on his walkman and said that I should listen to the song from High School Musical entitled “Gotta Go Your Own Way”. Now, may I ask – what impression does that give?

1. He is telling me to pack my stuff and go my own way.
2. He’s trying to inspire me to consider music as a choice of career.???
3. He thinks I am dumb enough to not listen to the lyrics and be inspired by the catchy music. In other words, he thinks I am just plain STUPID.

Anyway, here’s some of the lyrics to help you make a choice for me….

Gotta say what's on my mind. Something about us, doesn't seem right... these days. Life keeps getting in the way. Whenever we try, somehow the plan is always rearranged. It's so hard to say, but I gotta do what's best for me. You'll be okay...

Later he called to ask if I was inspired….and I said “oh yes….thank you. I was inspired to look for another job.” Then he goes, “ohhhh noooooo…..don’t get me wrong….i actually meant to share with you Sade’s song.”

By the way, the song by Sade that was on his walkman is entitled “I miss you”. Let’s analyse the lyrics here now:

Step off the train, walking down your street againPassed your door, but you don't live there anymoreIt's years since you've been there, and now you've disappeared somewhereTo outta space, you've found some better place(chorus):And I miss you, like the deserts miss the rainAnd I miss you, oh, like the deserts miss the rainCould you be dead? You always were two steps aheadAnd eveyrone, would walk behind where you would runI look up at your house, I can almost hear you shout down to me, where I always used to be(chorus):And I miss you, like the deserts miss the rainAnd I miss you, like the deserts miss the rain ...

Now, honestly what does that tell you again?

1. He asked me to “step off the train” – aka “get lost”.
2. He wants me dead. Apparently, the song seems to be for somebody who died.
3. He sincerely misses me – he hasn’t seen me for half a day because his office is located in the wing across the hallway from my workstation.

Hmmm…..

What’s your best bet on this?

Missy Red

women oh women

2009-08-20T23:11:00.000-07:00

“Women hold up half the sky,” in the words of a Chinese saying yet half or probably more than half of the female population can’t stand each other.

Why oh why?

Loophole

2009-08-18T23:25:00.000-07:00

Apparently there is a loophole in our internal database system। So with the loophole – you can create a new you। The system would capture whatever you wish to put in... say if you feel like one day you’ve completed a Phd in forestry from Oxford, feel free to put that into your profile। It’s that easy!

Management is shouting about this latest value benefit for staff। Have you seen your personal file? Here is your chance to have a peek at your profile now। And in return all you have to do is just make sure your profile is updated. Just click here and there and there and enter everything that’s relevant about you. And since it’s YOURS – your own personal file no one else is going to do that for you. So do it!

Hurrah for us staff- FREEDOM! But of course managers would then need to put up with loads of unnecessary work from the many highly ambitious or rather highly imaginative staff like me!

Should I reward my manager with a present today? Coz today I feel like earning like a senior manager. Can I update that into the system?

Oh since we are on the same topic, I wonder if the system was able to capture this. Today there were two MissyReds that stepped into the office. Yes two. I didn’t bring my name tag in today so MissyRed had to use her tag to open the gate for me. Then, once I was through, MissyRed just had to tap on the gate using her tag again to let herself in. Really there’s no hassle working here. Hurrah!

Five stars for a system that is so user-friendly.

Swine flu

2009-08-18T23:14:00.000-07:00

Hi MissyRed!

Someone complained about how fast rumours spread - as fast as the swine flu it seems. Why complain? Beats me! Obviously that person is oblivious to the benefits of getting news served fresh out of the oven!

What was the news? Someone passed away yesterday due to some illness not related to the flu but now everyone seems to think that that is the cause of his death.

What's in there for me on the news?

It gives me great comfort to know that we workers of this company are so unified and there's a this one special bond that's so strong amongst us till the point of us having the same thoughts - yeap Great minds think alike!

You see, this shows that people out there are secretly wishing that they would be quarantined for a week! Stay at home! Be socially responsible! No work! Well don’t you? *It’s just soooooo dangerous to be out these days*

Since the outbreak, I have been in many small group discussions and the main topic of discussion is none other than this disease!

Let’s see, we have an all ladies group talking about purchasing disposable masks, some only want blue coloured mask instead of those green ones, some think that masks with two straps are better looking than the rubber-band type, some still prefers those with a hello-kitty cartoon on it. Yes cats bring them good luck apparently. Oh don’t get started on the hand sanitizers – there’s the aloe vera, lavender vanilla, sky sea breeze and good ol’ fashion dettol to choose from. Pick one!

As for me, I just think that someone should invent a deodorant spray just for disposable masks coz once you have the mask on, there is a high chance that the mask will be glued to your face the whole day –even after lunch break. Oh the smell of nasi lemak after breakfast coupled with the smell of bleach from the toilet and some old uncle’s cologne ..all of which lingerssssssssss inside of your mask! Ah … even the sweet smelling aroma of your own morning breath!

Well …I would invent one… just that I don’t want to cause more deaths!

The next group consists of participants from our male counterparts. They shared on how to obtain a legal official medical certificate from the doctors! “Make sure you don’t bath in the morning, then you’ll look better .. as in you’ll look exactly like a sick cat!” oh and make sure you don’t eat. An empty stomach is good …for when the doctor taps on it, the right sound comes out!” tong tong tong. And make sure you practice your expressions – pinch your own tights, hold a fart, don’t breath! Then the doctor will give you an MC.

So there you go! Some piping hot news on how to get an MC ... I meant swine flu as the hot news!

Einstein's Theory of Relativity In Action

2009-08-18T18:45:00.000-07:00

Hi Coffee-O,

If you go up to the 12th Flr of our building you'll find a floor full of Einsteins descendents, or so they think they are. Apparently, they have been hand picked by the top gun of our company to turn this company around to a high performing one.

Allow me to fill you in on some of the characteristics of these people that really erk me out:

1. When they open their mouths to answer a simple question, they try to sound like rocket scientists. You could puke at how they try to make their answers sound so profound and "high level". To a question of when did you join this company? They go into analogies that include Murphy's law.

2. Before they start their team building outdoor activities, they pump themselves up by saying how wonderfully smart they are and that they are the saviours of the company, when many of them are brand new recruits and know next to nuts about the company. Let me explain this analogy, imagine you are drowning and here comes a savious who just had his first lesson on how to float. Can he possibly save you from drowning? Go figure.

3. They break the rules when playing the team building games and pass it off as dynamic and intelligent people at work just revealing their dynamism. Beat that!

4. They have regular gatherings to celebrate each other's birthdays and play Nintendo Wii as entertainment during the party. I guess that's what "intelligent" people play during their past times as compared to dummies like me who have not even seen a Nintendo Wii.

5. They have consultants working for them up on their floor. Why? I guess their brains are too smart to produce anything understandable for normal people. Beat this: - Normal people like us don't need consultants to help us out but "smarty pants" need them. Hmmmm.......can somebody enlighten me here?

6. If you don't say something smart during your time there or don't act up enough, they throw you out of their circle back to where you came from.

7. They produce lots of "frameworks", powerpoint slides that have circles in them and charts that any normal person would have a tough time reading and understanding. But then again they are not "normal", they are the "supremos".

8. They give everyone the impression that they work late hours and sweat blood but they just steal other people's work, spruce it up a little and reuse it, calling it THEIR work. Then they just call the "normal" departments like us and demand for more.

9. They claim to deserve a better bonus that the rest of us because "they worked so hard" stealing our work and passing down their blasted instructions.

10. They have meetings that last hours comparing what colour t-shirts suit which skin colour and what fabric feels softer on their skins.

11. And last but not least, they have to have a shot of Starbucks Coffee everyday. Probably their version of "steroids" to kickstart their brains.

Oh and by the way, I was one of them for six months, I just couldn't stand their shit so I asked to transfer out. They wanted me to stay on but I couldn't for the life of me stand another day sitting among these supremos. How long can one act smart, being very normal like me. I wanted a normal life again and not pretend to speak rocket science.

Go visit them for some entertainment!

Cheerio,

Missy Red

Harrassed by other people's loan sharks.

2009-08-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

What now?

Phone calls everyday - doesn't seem to stop.

Today I got a call from a bank asking for this particular guy, also another big mouth fella। Apparently he owes the bank some money. I'm not surprised at all. He's been going around showing off his latest acquisition- usually the latest gadget in the market. Last month was a Macbook. Middle of the month was a wireless Internet box. The month before was an MPV! ॥a handy cam.. a digicam .. and the list goes on.

He does not only buys them for himself but goes around telling everyone to buy what he bought...saying how good this and that is। Honestly he's a good salesman - every tom,dick and hasnah goes to him for advise on the latest gadget.

Well, this is the same guy who once told me about how he had to go on the streets to pick empty cans along with his kids just to put dinner on the table। His oh-so-sad stories used to be so believable.

I've also gotten phone calls from such banks asking for his friend who also owes them money। Well what they say is true -birds of the same feather flock together। And just to prove this point। I got calls from some lawyer’s office demanding to speak to his other friend. Well that fella is not so lucky, he will be declared a bankrupt if he doesn’t pay up.

When I get these kind of calls, I tell them the truth - they are simply not in the office। Some of these bankers feel that I'm trying to cover up for them. Like I have the time and interest to do ...blah

Who Moved My House?

2009-08-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

Hi Coffee-O,

Like i mentioned earlier, I moved house last weekend and boy oh boy, I NEVER EVER want to move again. I am going to live and die in that house. Let me tell you why. I have always prided myself with being a minimalist - meaning, not much furniture, a bare minimum of cooking utensils, a few pieces of make-up, just 2 cupboards full of clothes and 3-4 pairs of shoes. By my standards, that's a minimalist compared to the amount of stuff my sisters have stashed away in their cupboards that resemble a labryinth of clothes, accessories, shoes, handbags and only God knows what else.

When moving day came, I crawled out of bed half recovered from my fever and flu to greet the movers at the door. Then i realised that I had not packed much of anything, so I told the movers to only take the big stuff like the furniture, washer and fridge, which they did. Then it dawned on me how much "other stuff" i owned. My cupboards were still full, my kitchen cabinets still bore my utensils and my store room still held my wedding gifts from seven years ago, christmas tree and decorations. Hereafter, it was 25 trips back and forth from my old house to the new carting away piece by piece of the whole mountain of "leftovers". By nightfall, I was too tired to move a muscle and a hill the size of Bukit Tinggi still stood at the old house. So i decided to call it a night and continue the next day.

By the way i forgot to mention, I was moving from 1 unit to another unit within the same condominium complex. By now, everyone in the complex knew I was shifting, even the cleaners, security guards, visitors and residents. Talk about embarrassing. My hubby, maid and I continued chipping away at the mountain the next day, with my kids tucked away at my mother's place and finally "voila" the mountain was gone. You should have seen my new house....there were things falling out the windows. I have no inkling where all these came out from and furthermore, in the home of a self-declared minimalist.

As my hubby and I stood and looked at our kitchen utensils, we realised they were stolen stuff....my hubby stole some pots and pans from his mother and I stole some from my mother. So that's where they came from. Then we eyed our kids' clothes, I thought I should keep some for memories, then I realised that I had kept ALL of them and they filled 2 large cartons. Then I looked at my books, glaring at me from the pile of junk were my varsity books and notes I had taken on my first day at work on my first job.

So it all had to go and we thought of calling Alam Flora to cart them away but we soon realised that it was not necessary. My maid suggested that we give them away to her Indonesian compadres who worked at the condo complex...I mean the cleaners and gardeners. I learnt 1 thing about networking and how strong that can be. Within seconds, a line-up of Indonesians came to my house and carted the junk away, whilst thanking us profusely. Hubby and I just stood there with our jaws open. My maid didn't even have to go out of the house to gather her compadres, just a call over the balcony to one person and the network just swung into action. I now know how Al-Qaeda was so successful. By the way, she is also the one who arranged for the lorry, again with a few deft messages here and there. Thank God for good maids, although I know some people have horror stories to tell. She worked like a machine and proved to be as strong as a man. My hubby and the security guard couldn't manage the 29" tv well but it only took her a little effort to help my hubby with the tv into the car....putting the two men to shame. Then off she went to salvage more of my stuff....i couldn't have done it without her. Then she asked us, "Any plans to shift to a bigger house?" and my hubby retorted "Only if we have 2 more people like you". As we scurried about the house looking for stuff, my "wonder maid" kept pulling out the very stuff we were looking for ....like magic....she had everything under control and we didn't.

Anyway, the drama is now over and we are pretty much settled in and discovering our new house. Like i always tell you....my life is a drama. I can identify so much now what Shakespear said when he wrote,"The world is a stage and we are all the actors in it."

For now....i am recovering from the stage play entitled "Who Moved My House?"

Missy Red

Mailboxes

2009-08-16T19:37:00.000-07:00

Hi Coffee-O,

What a week I had, last week! First I was down with fever which lasted a couple of days and then 2 more days of sniffing (maybe due to dust ). I thought I had H1N1 and that was a scary thought. Anyway I am back now but with a cough.

I came back to fan fare from my damn boss who told me that MY work which HE vetted through was crappy। Beat that! So in other words....HIS damn work is ALSO crappy! What would you expect from a "postman" who just passes down messages. Carries my work into the big bosses office and back out with comments and passes it back to me.

Was just thinking....maybe we should put a sign which says "Mail this way!" at his cubicle. That would spell out his role better.

Missy Red

Generosity

2009-08-14T00:31:00.000-07:00

That which a man willingly shares, he keeps.

That which he selfishly keeps, he loses.
- Anonymous

It's pure logic that the bigger and fatter a man's wallet becomes, the harder it gets for him to give generously!

No?

If you have say RM10, you won't mind giving RM5 to the beggar on the street, yes?

What if there's RM10,000 nett profit in your company's account, would you be giving RM5,000 to your one and only employee as bonus for all the long hours, hard work and sacrifices he has put in in 9 hours X 5 days X 4 weeks X 12 months?

Now only a fool would do that, you say. So, what is the basis of being generous without being labelled as a fool? Why would a fool give knowing very well that he won't lose. If you give and don't lose that's smart investment.

Giving is an action from the heart a wise Teacher once quoted. No wonder people nowadays aren't as giving as they should be. That's coz people are heartless these days. No wonder!

Earning big big money but can't even foot the bill of some roti prata for everyone and on top of that have the cheek to ask the office boy to pay for it first. What is this?

A million and one pieces

2009-08-14T00:06:00.000-07:00

MissyRed!

Need some advise here.

What would you do if you have tons of crap-that-pays-your-monthly-bills to do, an aching knee to nurse, an early morning breakfast with the prime minister, and a million and one pieces of dirty clothes sitting in TWO-&-not-one laundry baskets?!

Oh I forgot, you have a maid!

and I forget again, I have A husband! Now that solves everything!

Maybe it's my husband who needs a maid?!

and who is my husband's maid ?

me. chi! well it's one vicious cycle. I better attend to the laundry now.

Socially Responsible

2009-08-13T23:41:00.000-07:00

Dear MissyRed,

where have you been? missed you in our daily chat

life seems so quiet without you around

in the midst of the quietness i still hear a faint sound of whisper about making an appereance just for the sake of making an appereance despite risking passing on some germs to the rest?!

This is a story worth waiting for ...

kaki report

2009-08-09T03:09:00.000-07:00

Dear MissyRed,

Over the weekend, I had a request from Banzaikabana to write on the topic of kaki report-ing!

Now what is that?

Are you ready? So here we go...

Scene 1 at home:

"Mak!! ah ngah used your precious pink selendang on the cat!" ...........meowwwz

Scene 2 at home:

"Makkk!! AbuSobusuk is watching TV on your white sofa while eating kariayam!... and the kuah is dripping mak.... on your white sofa!!"

Before scene 3 is up:

"Makkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!! AbuSobusuk and ah ngah is pulling my hair and just now when I was on the phone they pinched my bird!". (his pet bird la! what were you thinking!)

Then the screen goes black...empty:

And you wonder what would that little fella whose favorite word was "Mak!!" grow up to be?

Well, he is definitely not like a Toys-R-Us kid, coz those kids in the advertisement all looked so well-behaved, you know sing-songs kids are always good little kids.

AND they have small mouths! yes I'm referring to the size of the mouths.

not like that fella I just described? That fella has got a BIG. HUGE. ENORMOUS. mouth!

I wonder if there's any cure for that poor little fella?! so that he doesn't grow up to be a useless tale-teller.

As far as memory serves me right, when I was a class monitor and that was when I was 12 years mind you, I had always made a conscious effort to grab hold of the broom every morning (or most morning) to sweep the floor along with those who were scheduled to sweep the floor!

Well, I reckoned that is was what leadership by example is all about. Not just be a full time monitor whose job is to only report to the teacher but a monitor who leads!

"Teacherrrr! Abu didn't sweep the floor!!" ...

"Teacher teacher! Abu forgot to put a full-stop", while pointing towards the word "FRIDAY" written on the black board.

Don't we all know such people once upon a time?

Well we Malaysians can be a very tolerating bunch of people but please, if all it takes for someone in position to learn how to lead or probably use his or her mouth like a learned person - LEARN!

Don't just pretend for the sake of showing someone how well a job you are doing. And please.

If it's somebody you wanna impress, here's a suggestion.

Put on some stage make up and a cool shirt with green polka dots. Then to add more value to your current task, learn how to juggle balls.

AND stand in the middle of a VERY busy road! That would impress that someone!

Come on make a difference!

Cheers

Coffee-O

Passing the parcel.

2009-08-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

MissyRed turned Green now brown,

Remember my nephew's birthday last Tuesday? I was so glad you told me about the spideman walkie-talkie. It was the perfect gift for him! As soon as I was greeted by spiderman's HEAD at the main entrance, I was smiling ear to ear.

Apparently the kids played all sorts of games that afternoon. As my niece recounted what they did, my mind did some funny tricks and came out with another version of her story ... I pictured kids venting out their frustration on an innocent pinata, kids being engrossed in throwing water balloons at each other kids climbing up to the top of the roof to mark the significance of growing up to a higher level of success the next year!

Yes that's how an adult like me would perceive simple games such as those - by reading too much in between the lines. But wait a minute, who says adults are complicated? Guess who and how old was that singer who belted out the song Complicated? I believe it was Avril whom my niece once adored.

Well, let's talk about party games. I remember passing the parcel as one of the all time favourite party games! Up till today it's an all time favourite - even amongst adults!

They play it at work!

Let's see ... this is how it works! The Bigbigboss (BBB) passes the parcel to the smallerbigboss(SBB) then the smallerbigboss passes it to the smallersmallboss(SSB) and finally the parcel lands on you - their unrecognised slave (what's your name again? the Bigbigboss would sometimes asks or just ignore you and calls you eh!). That's when the music stops. The music always stops here!! - don't you ever wonder why.

But over the years, the slave gotten smarter. He knows that the music stops but for a moment... till someone pushes the start button again.

And now as a 3 year old slave he has decided that he'll be the one pushing the start button again...

So the parcel is being passed back to the SSB and. WAIT. the music stops again. Now they change the rules. The parcel can now go back the same direction it came from. The parcel is in the hands of the slave AGAIN!

buttttttt remember the slave is now wayyyyyyyyy smarter than anyone else! So he gladly accepts the parcel AND starts tearing up the wrappers to get the GIFT!

Yes! Congratulations to the smart slave!

MissyRed be encouraged that not all shit are of zero value. Do you know that the most expensive coffee in the WORLD is made from coffee beans produced by Civet Cats through their sewage tanks! That's right! coffee made out of cat shit! ! blergh!

So, it is apparent that we do have a choice. Let's make good gold out of stinky shit like kopi Luwak and not take shit and expect shit in return like S.A.R.s!.

Then one day you'll be smiling ear to ear while others are forced to eat their own shit!

my 2 cents worth of Coffee-O

The Ultimatum...

2009-08-06T22:26:00.000-07:00

Hi Coffee-o

Just now, I had a great lunch of roasted chicken and strawberry yogurt, all in preparation to eat somebody else's shit for tea. Some backgrounder for you......this morning I was given an ultimatum that if I don't eat AND finish my manager's shit by 4:00 pm today, I am not allowed to leave my seat and go anywhere, even if it is to go to the toilet. How's that for an ultimatum?

However, having filled my stomach with all that roast and milky goodness, I have a stomach ache right now and I AM GOING TO THE TOILET.....whether or not my manager approves my short leave of absence from my ultimatum and workstation.

Missy Red turned brown

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall....

2009-08-06T20:13:00.000-07:00

Hi Coffee-O,

You know what I went to the Laundry department today and I heard something that I've not heard in a long time. One short, stout and irritating member of this organisation called one particular lady "Ah Moi". And he has been doing that for sometime now its just that I've not heard him for a while and I thought he had gotten over that phase and stopped embarrasing that poor lady. By golly.... if it was me I would smack him on the head......first of all....its sort of a racial slur....who calls anybody Ah Moi anymore? ...tangachi and Aminah.....all terms used in times bygone to refer to ladies of the 3 main races in Malaysia.

What erks me is that he himself is short and stout and what if we call him Humpty Dumpty....how would that make him feel?Anyway i think i'll soon push Humpty off the wall. First of all, he is irritating....an over-confident loud mouth and a clanging bell, and secondly he doesn't leave his greens at home when he comes to work.....brings them along. Maybe he's delusional and thinks he works for a nursery.

Anyway, I've got an idea ......let's push Humpty Dumpty off the wall and let his greens save him. Gosh.....some people are born to irritate others and in their absence, their plants carry on the legacy for them. Why isn't anybody carrying on my legacy.....who's going to blog in my absence?
Opps....i hope Humpty's plants aren't reading this blog from wherever they're hanging from. Anyway good if they read....maybe they'll die from grief.

Missy Red now turned green

Can we be honest here?

2009-08-06T19:53:00.000-07:00

How many times have we ladies attempt to tell our husbands or boyfriends a random story hoping that they would catch the hint behind the story.

Why do we take our husbands on a ride that is sometimes long and seems like it will never stop... going through one or two pit stops and sometimes even a stop at the toilet (to wet our eyes with eyemo for some fake tears)?

The longer the drive is, the better! The drive could last for a day or even a month!

If it's a short drive then there is no fun at all. If we ladies bring you on a short drive then we are being too 'direct' - it's akin to you asking us to drive into a tree!

Let's see if you can identify the long and short distance drive.

Scenario: Your lady has an urge to buy a pair of Choos

Drive 1:

She calls you up at the office asking what you had for lunch then reminds you that she'll be cooking your favorite dish tonight. Then she gives you a great big hug the moment you step out of the car, remembering to bath and spray on Happy perfume on her wrist, her neck, and all the right spots on her body and even her hair!

Then she tells you how her best friend's husband got her a surprise of this and that and the list goes on and on from year 1990 when they were dating till 2005 when they got their fourth child and now when she got her womb removed. The story was told all throughout dinner. Even while watching TV later on, with a plate of sliced oranges on your lap, the story continues.

Finally when you are about to doze off just before the first snore, she whispers in your ears "There's a sale on tomorrow at Jimmy Choo".

Drive 2:

She looks at you and you saw her eyes wide, big and sparkly. Waiting in excitement just to speak into your heart. When you are standing just at the right distance -3.1cm away from the bridge of her nose, she drops the good news to you!

"Darling! There's a sale tomorrow at Jimmy Choo!!" (Jumps up and down and probably steps on your baby-toe too) . So how much credit is left on your card (Big shinny eyes blinking 10 times per second). Mine is busted. Then you give her THE LOOK and she goes Darlingggggggggggggggg (till the small hairs on your hands stand in one accord to the sound of the ever famous high-pitched-sing-song-tune) Can lar darlingggggggggggg (swings your arms like how your colleagues at work teased you when the boss did the exact swiminging motions with you the other day!) And finally you gave in...and hands over your card.

Yeay!! ( she continues jumping up and down in front of you kissing ... the CARD!) Darlinggggggggg you are the best!

So what's the verdict dear husbands and boyfriends? which do you (actually) prefer?

My advise to you is. Don't be a goblok - listen carefully to allllllllll our stories and think. Get the hint!

The tale of a girl Donkey

2009-08-06T18:43:00.000-07:00

whoa! I likeeeeeeeeeee your recent post MissyRed!

And talking about donkeys here's a story about Ms. Donky to cool you off...

One day while serving this nice looking young couple, this waiter noticed something very funny about how this guy addressed his girl.

Each time the waiter ask the guy a question, he would turn to his girl and call her "Donky!, What would you like to eat"

"Donky!, What would you like to drink?"
"You sure you don't want the shrimps Donky?"!

The waiter was curious whether if Donky was her pet name or his affectionate name for her. It sure didn't sound as loving as it should.

Donky reminded the waiter of a four legged short pony like creature with big teeth that needed a thousand sprays of Febreeze on it! But hey, people out there are calling their baby-s, darling-s, honey-pies.. Dear! (which also sounds like deer if you get what I mean.. pet.. deer..)

The waiter then decided to ask the guy, "Sorry sir for being so forward, but I noticed you calling your partner Donky. Why is that sir?".

Then the lady butted in saying..
"He-hor! always like that wan you know"
"He-hor! never call me properly wan you know"
"He-hor ....

Then the waiter said "Oh oh now I understand"
and quickly walked away with their orders.

Head or no head...what does it matter?

2009-08-06T18:12:00.001-07:00

x4%#%&$$%#$.......i am truly pissed. Guess what.....what's a head of team for when the blasted person can't even do a simple job as to reply an enquiry email. I noticed any shit gets passed down to me....what am i a glorified "odd job worker" in this company? What the hell does he do then, if everything gets passed down to me? If he dies tomorrow also.....the job can still go on becos he's not the one doing it. (I AM)

Oh gosh and these people get promoted. I think I totally missed it......what have they done that deserves promotion? Or is this the way to go in today's organisation? Get a donkey to carry all the burdens and lead him to the finish line .....then once you are there....kick the ass out of the way and get the credit for carrying the burden to the finish line.........WAHHHHHHHHH........I GOT IT!

THIS IS the secret of today's career progression! Who cares a darn for hard and sincere work anymore? (especially when they can get donkeys like me to do the "donkey jobs")

Anyone beg to defer?

I better be up for promotion if not I'll blow my top so hard ......my brains will be all over this darn company!

Missy Red turned red

Grabbing the bull by its horns

2009-08-06T02:15:00.000-07:00

Yeah talking about reputation, those in the customer service line should really take their jobs seriously. Especially those at this moneyhouse I go to.They should grab the bull by its horns… really! No wonder they are losing customers.

The first time I was there, I waited for close to thirty minutes before my number was called. I was shocked beyond south of Johor – that was because I was at their main branch. Got me wondering how long I needed to wait if I were at their smaller branches.

O dang – there goes the telephone again…pls hold on...

………….

That call wasn’t for me! Don’t they get it…there is no receptionist here…no lady picking up the phone just to transfer calls or pass messages for you..nada.. There’s a staff directory somewhere out there!

Where was I.. hmm yes then my next visit, I wanted them to link my accounts into one card. They gave me another new card. Imagine going to the ATM with two cards! How smart?!So, I told them that I needed just one card. But the new card was ready. So now there’s WASTAGE. One new shinny flashy red card gone to waste!

Now fast forward to today. I went to collect my new AhLong card.
First they said: Oh come back tomorrow to get it. Just need one day to do it.
Wow I was impressed - only one day?okay ... guess they are trying real hard to push these AhLong cards into the market. That's good!

The next day they said "I'm sorry miss, the card is not ready. Can we sms and let you know when the card is ready". Boy was I not surprised!

So I waited for the sms. Three days later I decided to pay a visit just to see if the card's ready. Well, didn't they only needed one day to do it. I gave them three more days! In total four days.

"Hi, is my card ready"
check,check,checkingggg...
"Oh miss, we have couried the card to your home"

"What?"

Being shocked beyond Geylang now, I told them to stop whatever they we doing to send it to my house! "I had indicated twice that I wanted to collect the card from here".

And there was silence ...

"Miss, we will inform you via sms once the card has arrived"

One week later, I got a note from PosLaju saying that I had missed the postman and to personally collect the package from PJ! How smart? I stay in KL! and I can't send a representative too and they open till? 6.30pm! now that should be easy but hmm I work in KL too!!

ah but Heaven's door opened when I saw this" Call XXXXX to arrange for the next delivery". And so I called.
"Sorry Miss, you'll have to contact that AhLong because it's an AhLong's card. We can't change the address".

Oh great, I have to make a visit to the AhLong.

And so I did. Again.
"Hi, I need you to call PosLaju to resend it to this place. They won't allow me to change the delivery address"

"Oh Miss, we'll have to wait for them to do the second round of delivery and if there's no one at home again they'll resend it to us"
(Now thinking in my heart ..doink of course there won't be anyone at home! That was why I wanted to come collect it here.. "geleng-geleng" my head)

"And when is that?" I calmly asked.

" Oh I'm not sure Miss".
"Then can you pls call PosLaju to resend it rather than wait"

"OK miss, I'll just fill up this form for you".

"I have filled up that form before". (shakes head)

"It's ok miss, I just need o fill this form up. Sign here pls".

"Ok thanks". BUT no thank you for your service.

eee how not to be geram you tell me!

I didn't want to lose my cool as I had a reputation to maintain.

What about them?

Coffee O

Real Life "Bull In A China Shop"

2009-08-06T01:45:00.001-07:00

Coffee-O,

I got to share this story with you. I went for an outdoor survival stint with a "group of people" and guess what I met, for the first time in my life, a real life "bull in a china shop". We had this activity where the group was broken up into smaller teams and we had to get stuff that the facilitator called out.....the snag is....you can steal the stuff from the other teams if you did not have them in your own team....even if it was right out of the hand of your opponent. And by golly..... I saw this particular lady bulldoze another team .....and i mean physically..... to get the stuff out of another team member's hand. They tumbled to the ground and the "victim" hit her head on the stack of chairs that lined the hall and the "bull" was lying on top of the victim pinning her to the ground until she got the stuff out of the "victim's" hand.

The moral of the story is - it's not worth getting hated, bearing dagger stares from other people and placing your reputation on the line for a mere five ringgit bill. Anyway, we being nice, pleasant and peace loving Malaysians couldn't help but let our jaws drop open at the sight.

Broomstick & Japanese

2009-08-06T01:40:00.001-07:00

aiyoyo!

MissyRed, you should give your hubby a wack on the head.

You know you got to use a broomstick for that .. I once saw it on a Hong Kong movie.

The story goes like that... everyday this old lady would watch soap operas on her TV. Then one day her TV wouldn’t work… so being a professional TV-watcher she quickly got to her feet, grabbed a broom stick and started hitting the TV’s while shouting angrily at it – I had thought it was vulgar words she used.. but upon listening closely she gave the TV what it could understand ! Japanese profanities !! “TOSHIBA!!!MITSUBISHI! HITACHI!!! BANZAI!!” hahaha!

oh wait.. phone call coming in - what the!!! am I the company's receptionist now!

Cheers to not talking!

2009-08-06T01:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Coffee-O,

I symphatise with you but i got to break the news to you that Ronan Keating was most likely talking about "love" and not about "not gossiping" when he spoke of "lighting up the dark". Don't torture yourself, life is about letting go….so just let the steam out. It’s good for you. Keep talking or rather keep typing.

Talking about gossiping and I just need to tell you how irritating my hubby can get…he is right now at TNB trying to “light up the dark” in our new house…as in fix the electricity….The gal at the counter handed him a whole stack of forms and just to avoid filling them up he tried to come home with them so that I can fill them up instead….Anyway, I couldn’t help but “light up the dark” spaces in his head by telling him to switch on his mental bulb and fill the forms himself.

Ok….i feel better now….just had to let the steam out.

To talk or not to talk?

2009-08-06T00:15:00.000-07:00

Hey MissyRed,

You know I've been strugling about talking behind people's backs - well I know I'm not the only one but I really wanna try..really really ... so now I have resorted to TYPING it in here.. typing doesn't count!

Remember yesterday I was soooooooo determined not to talk about a SINGLE SOUL , yes no complaints and no gossips but but but there are just so many things to talk about in an event.Guess what? I suceeded.

EXCEPT for this one time I just couldn't let it go (well isn't it always like that) I SAW h.i.m leaving the event in between the second half of the programme. There h.e goes again, washing hands in public and leaving the team to deal with the aftermath. That was the cause of my failed mission! blergh... yes, I blame it all on h.i.m - we were all working so hard at it and ..you get it right .. how could h.e. do that? for goodness sake, a person does not get to run away from responsibility just because he has a label with power written all over it. aiyo! even a superhero can understand that with power comes responsibility.

so how? should I give my mission another try this time I'm not saying a single word. Gonna give some attention to what Ronan Keating had to say about not saying a word, I could light up the dark!

and whatelse can beat this eh? I say it best when I say nothing at all!!